Understanding Parts Work: Getting Curious About the Different Parts of Ourselves

My first experience learning about parts work was during an EMDR workshop about five years ago. I was immediately drawn to the idea of having different “parts” of myself because, in a way, I had already been thinking about myself like that for years. Long before I knew this was something so many people could relate to, I naturally described my own experiences in terms of different parts of who I am.

Parts work gave me a new way to understand the experiences I had throughout my life and how those experiences may have shaped the different parts of me that show up today. Some parts carry old wounds. Some carry fear, shame, anger, or sadness. Others learned to become perfectionistic, hyper-independent, people-pleasing, controlling, funny, productive, or constantly busy. Some learned to stay small and quiet. Others learned to become very loud so they would not be overlooked.

Sometimes, we also carry beliefs and wounds that began long before we had the ability to understand what was happening around us. That is one of the ways generational trauma can show up in our lives (something I plan to explore more in a future blog, so stay tuned!)

There was something about this way of understanding ourselves that deeply resonated with me, even before I could fully explain why. It made me want to keep learning.

I started seeking out resources like No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz and It Didn't Start with You by Mark Wolynn. I joined supervision groups centered around parts work, continued learning about Internal Family Systems (IFS), and eventually completed my own therapy with an IFS-certified therapist.

One of the simplest ways I have found to explain Parts Work or IFS is through the movie Inside Out. In the film, Riley has different emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust; each with its own perspective, role, and way of trying to help her navigate life. Parts work views our inner world in a similar way. Different parts of us may carry different feelings, beliefs, fears, needs, and protective strategies.

And just like in Inside Out, the goal is not to get rid of certain parts or decide that one emotion is “bad.” Instead, Parts Work invites us to become curious about what each part is trying to communicate or protect us from so we can respond to ourselves with more understanding and compassion.

That curiosity became one of the most meaningful shifts for me.

Rather than looking at a behavior, thought, or emotion as simply good or bad, parts work invited me to ask different questions. What if there was a reason this part of me developed? What if a behavior I had judged or criticized for years was actually an attempt to protect me and keep me safe? What if, instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?” I could begin asking, “What happened to me and what is this part trying to do for me?”

Slowly, I began to realize that parts work was not really something entirely new. For me, it was a new way of understanding how I had been showing up in the world all along. It gave me language for experiences I already had, and more importantly, a way to understand myself with more compassion.

Think of Inside Out: Riley’s emotions including Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust each have their own perspective and way of trying to help her navigate life. Parts work is similar. We all have different parts that carry their own emotions, beliefs, needs, fears, and ways of trying to protect us.

So, What Exactly Is “Parts Work”?

“Parts work” is a broad term used to describe a therapeutic approach to help us explore the different thoughts, emotions, beliefs, impulses, memories, and ways of responding that can show up within us.

Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is one specific model of parts work developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, which I utilize in my therapeutic approach as a trauma and attachment therapist. IFS proposes that our minds are naturally made up of different “parts” and these parts can take on different roles (manager, protector, exile) within our internal system. The model also describes a core Self characterized by qualities such as curiosity, compassion, calm, clarity, courage, care, and connection. When we are in Self energy we are most capable of dealing with whatever comes our way. In turn, when we feel more functional internally, things begin to shift in our external world. Whether that’s how we show up, who we are in relationship with, or the goals we set for ourselves throughout our lifetime.

One important piece to parts work is you don't have to have experienced significant trauma to have parts. In fact, you don't have to have anything “wrong” with you at all.

You might have a part of you that loves adventure and another part that wants to stay home.

You might have a part that is incredibly confident at work and another part that feels like a scared child when someone is disappointed in you.

You might have a perfectionist part that pushes you to get everything done and another part that wants to throw everything out the window and hide under a blanket.

You might have a people-pleasing part that desperately wants everyone to be happy with you and an angry part that is tired of putting everyone else first.

These aren't necessarily contradictions. They're different parts of a very complex human experience.

IFS describes parts as aspects of our personality that can be experienced through thoughts, feelings, body sensations, images/memories, impulses, and internal dialogue. The goal isn't to eliminate these parts or force them to go away. Instead, the goal is to understand them, develop a relationship with them, and help them move out of extreme roles when they no longer need to work so hard to protect us. When we do this, not only do we feel more complete internally, but it also helps us to connect more to our external world.

I find it helpful to think of our parts like pieces of a puzzle. They are the bits that make up our emotions, memories, values, boundaries and interconnections to being human.

Like pieces of a puzzle, our parts are the individual pieces that come together to make us whole.

My Own Experience With Parts

For as long as I can remember, I've felt like there was a part of me that was too sensitive, too much, and somehow also not enough at the same time. When I began exploring this part through parts work, I started to recognize how young it felt. Sometimes it presented almost like a three-year-old who was craving attention and desperately wanting to be seen and heard.

This was the part of me that would scream and tantrum to be noticed.

The part who also wanted to be loved and cared for.

The part that carried so much anger because I didn't get everything I needed when I was younger, especially within my sibling relationships.

For a long time, I might have looked at this part and thought, I'm too sensitive. I'm too emotional. I'm too much. Why can't I react like everyone else?

Parts work gave me another way to understand it.

This part wasn't bad.

She wasn't broken.

She wasn't “too much.”

She was young and trying to make sense of her world.

She had learned something about what it meant to be the youngest of five children and had developed ways of trying to get her needs met, protect herself, and make sure she wasn't forgotten.

And because I am no longer three years old, I can relate to that part differently now.

I can listen.

I can acknowledge what she needed.

I can remind her that she doesn't have to scream to be heard anymore.

I can help her understand that sensitivity isn't a weakness. It is a gift and a strength. It can help me notice things other people might miss and connect deeply with the people around me. In fact, it’s probably the reason I’m a therapist today.

In many ways, parts work has given me an opportunity to re-parent myself. An opportunity to provide some of the safety, validation, attention, and compassion that I needed then and only now can begin giving myself.

Exploring my own inner-child parts has been an important part of my healing. And it isn't always easy.

Sometimes our parts hold enormous amounts of anger, rage, sadness, shame, fear, or grief. Sometimes the parts we most want to push away are the very parts asking us to slow down and listen.

There have been times when sitting with those parts has felt incredibly uncomfortable and overwhelming. And there has also been so much beauty and relief in learning that I don't have to fight or shame them away anymore.

I can become curious about them.

I can sit beside them.

I can listen to what they are trying to tell me.

And sometimes, what looks like the most difficult part of ourselves is actually the part that has been working the hardest to protect us and keep us safe; while also helping us get to where we needed to go all along.

Exploring and connecting with my own inner-child parts has been an important part of my healing. That process continues to shape the way I understand myself today.

Some Common Misunderstandings About Parts Work

Because parts work has become more popular in recent years, there are also some misconceptions worth clearing up:

1) “If I have parts, something must be wrong with me.”

Nope. Having different parts is a normal human experience. Parts work simply gives us language and a felt sense for understanding those different experiences instead of judging ourselves for having them.

2) “My parts are literally different people living inside me.”

Not necessarily. Some people experience parts very vividly—as distinct ages, personalities, voices, images, or even sensations in different areas of the body. Others experience parts more subtly, such as a familiar thought pattern, emotion, urge, or physical sensation. There isn't one “right” way to experience a part.

3) “Every part has to come from trauma.”

No. Life experiences can shape and influence our parts, particularly experiences involving attachment, stress, relationships, or trauma, but you don't have to identify a traumatic event for a part to be meaningful or worth exploring.

A part might simply be the playful part of you, the ambitious part of you, the adventurous part of you, or the part that learned early on that being organized helps you feel secure.

4) “Parts work means I have to talk to voices in my head.”

Maybe, but not always. Parts can show up as thoughts, feelings, body sensations, memories, images, urges, or internal reactions. You don't have to visualize a person sitting across from you or hear an actual voice to feel an internal shift.

5) “No bad parts means I have to approve of everything my parts do.”

Definitely not. “No bad parts” does not mean “no harmful behaviors” or “no accountability.” A protective part may use strategies that are no longer helpful or may even cause harm. Parts work invites us to understand the function behind the behavior without excusing the behavior itself.

We can hold both: “I understand why you learned to do this.” and “This behavior isn't helping us anymore.” This distinction is incredibly important.

6) “I need to find and heal every single part.”

No. Parts work isn't another item on your healing checklist. Sometimes simply noticing, “Oh, there's a part of me that is really scared right now,” is enough. You don't have to dig into every childhood memory. You don't have to uncover a traumatic explanation for every reaction. And you don't have to force yourself into emotional territory before you're ready. Curiosity comes before digging. Safety comes before exploration.

7) “If I have parts I must have Dissociative Identity Disorder.”

This is an important difference because the word “parts” can sometimes create confusion. Having parts is not the same thing as having Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.

The IFS Institute describes the mind as naturally multiple, meaning that people commonly experience different internal “parts” that may hold different emotions, beliefs, needs, roles, and ways of responding. From an Internal Family Systems perspective, having parts is not considered pathological. It is understood as a normal part of being human.

You can probably recognize this in your own life. The part of you that shows up confidently at work may feel very different from the part of you that shows up when you are scared or overwhelmed. The part of you that parents your children may feel different from the part of you that is playful and carefree. You might even have one part that wants to save every extra dollar while another part is already planning your next vacation.

That does not mean you have multiple personalities. It means different aspects of you can become more noticeable depending on what is happening around you.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is something different. The American Psychiatric Association describes DID as a dissociative disorder involving significant disruptions in identity, memory, and consciousness. People with DID may experience involuntary shifts in identity states as well as significant gaps in their memory for everyday events, important personal information, or traumatic experiences.

The Merck Manual further explains that these memory gaps go beyond ordinary forgetfulness and that the disruption in identity and memory causes clinically significant distress or impairment in a person’s life.

In other words: You can have parts without having DID.

DID reflects a much more significant disruption in the continuity of a person’s sense of self, memory, and experience. It is not simply another term for having different emotions, roles, internal conflicts, or aspects of yourself.

Parts work can certainly be used with people who experience dissociation, including individuals diagnosed with dissociative disorders. However, using parts language or engaging in parts work does not mean that someone has DID, nor does it diagnose DID.

Parts work isn’t about having multiple identities or suggesting something is “wrong” with you. It’s a way of noticing the different thoughts, emotions, patterns, and experiences within you with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment.

An Exercise: A Gentle Way to Begin Meeting Your Parts

If you're curious about parts work, you can start very simply.

You don't need to know what your parts are called.

You don't need to know where they came from.

You don't need to know whether they're “protectors”, “managers” or “exiles” or anything else.

Start with curiosity.

Notice a reaction you have.

Maybe you feel unexpectedly angry.

Maybe you're anxious about disappointing someone.

Maybe you notice yourself wanting to avoid something.

Maybe you're being incredibly hard on yourself.

Instead of immediately trying to change the feeling or ignore it, pause and ask:

Where do I notice it in or around my body?

What do I notice about this part? Ie. Is there a particular sensation, energy, or emotion that goes with it?

What does this part want me to know?

How old does it feel?

What might it be afraid would happen if it stopped doing what it's doing?

And perhaps most importantly:

Can I get curious about this part without judging it? Can I sit with this and allow it to be just as it is without trying to change or control it in any way?

You don't have to make it go away.

You can simply be present and you may find it helps ease whatever is there.

During parts meditations, I like to place a hand on the area of my body where I feel my parts most strongly, typically over my heart. It helps me feel more connected to my body as I slow down and learn to listen to what it’s communicating.

A Short Parts Meditation

If you're curious about exploring your own parts, try finding a quiet place where you can sit comfortably. First orient yourself to your outer world for a couple minutes by noticing colors, textures, smells, sounds, and any lingering tastes. Once you feel more grounded to your present moment, and if it feels comfortable, you can close your eyes or simply soften your gaze.

Take a slow breath in.

And a slow breath out.

Breathe slowly for a couple more rounds.

Notice what is happening inside your body.

You don't need to change anything.

Just notice.

Perhaps there is a feeling, thought, tension, or reaction that has been showing up lately.

Maybe it's anxiety.

Maybe it's anger.

Maybe it's sadness.

Maybe it's a part of you that feels overwhelmed, afraid, lonely, or exhausted.

See if you can gently acknowledge:

There is a part of me that is feeling this right now.

You don't have to push the feeling away.

You don't have to become completely immersed in it either.

Just notice it.

If it feels okay, imagine giving this part a little space.

You might imagine it sitting beside you.

You might notice it somewhere in your body.

You might simply sense that it is there.

And with as much curiosity and compassion as you can access, ask:

• What do you want me to know? Or can you show me what you want me to know?

Then pause.

You don't have to force an answer.

Maybe something comes up naturally.

Maybe nothing does.

Both are okay.

You might ask:

• What are you worried would happen if you stopped doing what you're doing?

• What are you trying to protect me from?

• What do you need from me right now?

Listen without trying to fix.

And if this part feels young, scared, angry, ashamed, or overwhelmed, see if you can remind it:

• I see you.

• I'm listening.

• You don't have to figure everything out right now.

• I'm here with you.

• Thank you for showing up/sharing/allowing me to feel your presence.

Take another slow breath in and out.

Feel your feet on the floor or your body supported by the chair beneath you.

Notice the room around you.

Remind yourself that you are here, in the present, and that you can return to this exploration whenever you feel ready.

You don't have to understand every part of yourself today.

Sometimes healing begins with simply becoming curious about the parts of us we used to judge.

And sometimes, when we finally slow down enough to listen, we discover that those parts weren't trying to make our lives harder.

They were trying to help us survive the only way they knew how.

There are parts that may need boundaries, support, accountability, or a new way of doing things. But beneath the behavior is often a deeper story, such as a need, a fear, a wound, or an attempt to protect.

And that is where curiosity can begin.

Ready to get curious and start your own parts exploration? Schedule a free consultation call here.

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